Not everyone feels sexy every day - you're human, after all. But if you want to feel sexy before sex and are unsure how to flip that switch, we're here to help.

Feeling sexy in your skin isn't something we're taught how to do. In fact, most of you were likely shamed for feeling confident in your body. We're here to right those wrongs and empower you within your own body and pleasure.

So we've got you covered if you're getting ready for sex with a partner or want to amp up your solo-sex game. For Sexy September, it's about teaching you how to feel sexy just like you are. 

8 Ways to Feel Sexy Before Sex

Whether you're already feeling confident in your own skin, we've got heaps of ideas to help you feel your sexiest. 

Not all of these will align with your sensual style, and that's okay. Think of this as a try-it-on-for-size kind of vibe. See what works for you and what doesn't. You'll learn heaps about yourself along the journey. 

 1. Exercise

Yes, we've all heard it, been told it, and put it on our to-do list, but now you have a real reason to start exercising.

When you decide to start exercising and follow through, you'll begin building an enhanced sense of self-trust. When we choose to exercise and then find reasons not to, it damages our sense of trust in ourselves. Much like you wouldn't trust a friend that didn't show up to your planned hang-outs. Your mind doesn't trust you to follow through on anything because you just don't on most days.

Feeling a strong sense of self-trust is critical in the bedroom. It will not only help you feel more confident, but you'll build physical strength as well.

Regular cardiovascular activity helps with increased blood flow. This increase in blood pumping through your veins has several benefits, including:

• Increase in self-lubrication
• Faster arousal
• Increased sexual desire
• An enhanced sense of self-worth

So by taking a twenty-minute walk a few times a week, you'll start seeing sexual and mental health results fast. 

2. Erotica for the win

Yes, we've all heard that watching porn can help turn you on in the bedroom. But, it can also damage your self-image and expectations from sex. So how do you combat this?

Don't look at porn. 

Instead, pick up some dirty romance novel or read erotic fan fiction.

Doing this will help prepare your mind for the erotic adventure you'll embark on. You get to create the fantasy, which can be enough to get you excited and feel sexy during sex. 

There's no one to compare yourself to, only a new version of your sexy self being built up in your mind.

So get yourself turned on by reading something sexy tonight!

3. Make a sexy playlist

Music is a powerful tool for bringing your mood wherever you want it to be.

Cultivating a powerful, sexy playlist can help you before you get in the bedroom or even during sex.

Many struggle with rhythm during sex, especially when you're on top.

Don't worry.

That's totally natural.

If you curate the perfect sexy-time playlist, use it while you're getting ready for the night. Move around and dance to each crescendo. That way, when you're in bed, you know precisely when that bass will drop. This will teach you how to feel confident in your rhythm and help you control your overall sexual experience. 

4. Set the scene

If you're like everyone on this planet, you're easily distracted, even during sex.

That's perfectly natural.

But, it can prevent you from enjoying yourself and scare off orgasms. Therefore, you want to curate an atmosphere where you can quickly bring yourself back to pleasure.

Clean up the kitchen, hide pictures of family, light some candles and build yourself a sexy space. 

When you've taken care of everything on your observable "to-do" list, you'll be able to focus on your own pleasure. 

5. Try this coaching exercise 

You're gorgeous, just the way you are. However, many of us grew up in a body-negative and fat-shaming culture. This atmosphere has led to a distorted perspective on your body and beauty. To combat this, use kindness and self-awareness.

Stand naked in front of your mirror.

Starting at the top of your head, think of one nice thing to say about each body part.

Do you have nice hair? Do you like that mole on your cheek? Say one positive thing out loud about each part of your body, from your head down to your toes.

When you do this regularly, you learn how to look for the good rather than focus on the negative.

Stay positive and appreciate everything your body has and is doing for you with just a touch of kindness. 

Do this exercise regularly to experience more consistent confidence.

6. Wash your vulva correctly

Female sexual arousal is often a game of patience and focus. Many women avoid oral sex because they're afraid of their smell or taste. If the opportunity for receiving oral sex comes up, we beg of you to accept. Keeping your lady-bits refreshed and well aerated can help avoid any perceived smell or taste.

To wash your vulva correctly, put away the Vagisil or whatever. You DO NOT NEED SPECIAL SOAP.

Really, you don't need soap at all.

You can wash your external genitalia with some soap. But, as you spread those juicy lips apart, get that soap out the door. 

Lift and spread your lips, and use water to rinse out each layer of your gorgeous labia. Make sure you delicately lift the clitoral hood and rinse it thoroughly with water.

That's literally it.

Don't douche.

Don't use soap.

Don't waste money on making your pussy smell like a spring day.

It's a pussy. It's meant to smell and taste like pussy. 

You can also keep some wet wipes handy for a quick refresher. 

7. Meditate

Yes, every article on earth mentions meditation.

We get it.

But if you haven't tried it, realise everyone keeps talking about meditation for a billion reasons.

Specifically, mindfulness meditation is a powerful tool for sexual pleasure. When you regularly practice meditation, you'll learn to refocus on bodily sensations. This leads to more powerful orgasms and more embodied sexual pleasure. 

Prevent your mind from wandering to the laundry while someone is going down on you. Start practising mindfulness meditation for just a few minutes each day. You'll be amazed at your results. 

8. Touch yourself

Masturbation and self-pleasure are the answers to most issues in the bedroom. If you want to feel sexier, start touching your body.

Whether it's just rubbing your lotion more sensually or stimulating your outer lips with a bit of lube. Just get yourself going.

Touching yourself can help you focus on the sensations in your body and improve your body knowledge. Much like Pleasure Mapping, it can help you learn more about your own sexual response. When you know about what turns you on, you can teach it to your partner.

How to Feel Sexier

It's okay to not feel super sexy every day. Implementing a few practices can help you start feeling sexier. They can help you get your engines going on a sexy night and help you prepare yourself for better sexual pleasure. We've got many more ideas about improving your sexual satisfaction, so stay tuned!

Get out there, Get in there, and Get off there!

 

Elaine S. Turner

Resident Sexologist | Sex, Dating, & Relationship Coach | Pleasure Product Expert

www.SexWithElaine.com

Instagram: @SexWithElaine