Not everyone experiences sexual pleasure easily, especially when a partner is involved. Why? The key to really, really enjoying sex is simple, you need to know your own body. Expecting your partner to bring you to the height of pleasure when you can't do it for yourself is a lofty goal. Unbelievable, knee-shaking pleasure is just a few simple sessions of masturbation away from you. You need to know the key ingredient, pleasure mapping.
What is Pleasure Mapping?
Pleasure mapping is a simple but erotic technique. You get to fully explore your body with various sensations to learn what you enjoy. Then, you apply that to your sex life by communicating what you've learned to your partner.
Pleasure mapping is an exercise that is best done on your own first. Try it on several occasions with different tools and techniques.
Remember the scene from Sex Education where Aimee Gibbs struggles to experience orgasm? As a result, she is told to masturbate on her own and find her own pleasure points. After doing so, she can tell her partner exactly what he needs to do. Then, like magic, it works.
That's what you're going to learn how to do with pleasure mapping.
Why Should I Try Pleasure Mapping Alone?
You should try pleasure mapping on your own initially for many reasons.
First, "performance anxiety" can impact even those with the utmost confidence. If you're about to unlock your first orgasm, it's easy to feel self-conscious. You may be too focused on how you look or sound to submerge yourself in the activity. Doing this will hold you back.
Or if you've had thousands of orgasms, the post-pleasure mapping one's may be more powerful than you're used to. Therefore, you may lose your focus.
Another reason you should pleasure map your body alone first is that your partner isn't a mind reader.
Articulating what you want them to do may present some very frustrating challenges. These challenges may mentally remove you from the sensual experience.
You want to be able to lose yourself in this activity. To embrace physical sensations and pleasure levels you've never experienced before. And you want to do all that first without worrying about hurting someone else's feelings. Yes, men's feelings can easily be hurt during sex activities. While tiptoeing around it is a challenge, it's (sometimes) worth it.
All of that is to say, try it alone first.
How to Try Pleasure Mapping
Pleasure mapping is a simple exercise.
You're going to explore your body and take notes.
First, get yourself some alone time. Ensure the kids are out of the house, the door is locked, and you're in a space that welcomes contextual intimacy.
You know how to turn those knobs.
Once you've got the time alone and the scene set, strip down into whatever you feel the most comfortable in. I suggest your birthday suit.
Experiment with your own hands for your first round of pleasure mapping.
Starting at the top of your head, play with varying touch sensations. Tapping your fingers, scratching soft or hard, pressure, whatever strikes you at the moment. Then, take either mental or physical notes of what feels pleasurable.
Then, slowly move down your body. Your face, neck, shoulders, chest, stomach, thighs, everywhere, even the tips of your toes. And pay attention to what the varying sensations feel like.
Touch reception differs for every inch of your body and from person to person. Approach this exercise with genuine curiosity and patience.
Of course, use pleasure mapping to explore your genital region. Your pubic mound, lips, U-spot, V-spot, vagina, and every inch of your body.
If you can't do this all at once, that's okay!
Break the pleasure mapping exercise into as many sessions as you want or need.
Then when you feel complete, reflect on the exercise and note what you've learned. Also, what you'd like to try next.
You should use a pleasure mapping diagram or keep a pleasure mapping journal.
The reflection part is the most critical aspect of this exercise. Otherwise, you may quickly forget or need help to articulate what you've learned to a partner. A private journal is an excellent space to discuss your findings with yourself.
You can up the ante in your pleasure mapping exercise in countless ways. I suggest using different implements such as:
And pretty much anything you can think of!
Just be cautious about what you actually insert into your anus or vagina. Keep it body-safe and non-toxic, please!
There you go. Now you understand the fundamentals of pleasure mapping!
Why You Need to Try Pleasure Mapping With a Partner
Pleasure mapping with a partner is an incredible way to teach both of you how to have better sex. It's a remarkable intimacy-building activity. It will keep you both on the edge of your seat all evening.
They may also have unique and sexy ideas for enhancing your pleasure mapping experience!
Make this a regular intimacy-building activity. A few times a year or more! It's also great to wait to learn about your body after significant life changes. Such changes are menopause, after childbirth, during pregnancy, and while on or off your period. Your body is a canvas just waiting to be tempted and explored. So give it what it wants!
How Will Pleasure Mapping Improve my Sex Life?
Pleasure mapping will change your sex life for the better. That is, if you're confident enough to communicate your needs to your partner.
It opens the door to pleasure exploration and experimentation. It's up to you to walk through it. Also, it's up to your partner if they'll take the tips and help you offer.
If you want a reliable pleasure partner who cares about your satisfaction, find someone who values you. And take the time to build intimacy before starting this activity. Once you've fostered those connections, you'll be ready to explore the erotic blank slates that are your bodies together.
Pleasure mapping is an intimacy-building technique that unlocks your next (or first) unbelievable orgasm. But if you want the reward, you need to be willing to put in a little time and effort. Try pleasure mapping alone first, and experiment with the sensations you like. Take notes, and then you can invite a partner in. Or you can choose to communicate what you've learned.
Your sexual experience is entirely up to you!
Pleasure mapping will open the door to new pleasure heights for both of you.
Get out there, Get in there, and Get off there!
Elaine S. Turner
Clinical Sexologist | Sex, Dating, & Relationship Coach | Pleasure Product GuruFollow me on Instagram @SexWithElaine