Sexuality is a dynamic force that evolves and transforms over time. The way we perceive ourselves, our bodies, our orgasms, and where we seek pleasure undergo both subtle and significant shifts each day. As we advance in years and enter what may be deemed the next chapter of our lives, we might feel a bit challenged in the realm of sexuality. Especially for women who are in their 50’s, feeling sexy may feel forced.
Crossing the fifty-year milestone often accompanies a sense that your sexual essence fades away. However, this is far from the truth. What truly shifts is your perception of yourself. If you choose to view yourself as a vibrant and sealed being, you unlock the door to curiosity.
It's curiosity and a taste for adventure that distinguishes this phase of life. Whether you're single and feeling empowered, or in a relationship with an empty nest, here are ways to begin understanding what this phase of sexuality means to you.
Embrace the Phase:
Your new sexual journey commences when you release preconceived notions about how you should appear or sound, especially in terms of what 'sexy' implies for your age. Age is merely a number, and it's up to you to define its significance.
Select an empowering phrase that aids you on this voyage. Here are a few suggestions:
- "I am a sexual being, and that is beautiful."
- "I acknowledge my identity as a sexual being, and my sexuality is beautiful, powerful, and a vital aspect of my life."
- "I celebrate my sexual journey, growth, and exploration, recognizing it as a beautiful and evolving facet of my life."
Choosing affirmations like these to recite to yourself in the mirror can transform it into a source of love and compassion, rather than a breeding ground for negativity.
Dress for You
When you get dressed in the morning, who are you getting ready for? Is it for the people you work with? Your lover?
Take a break from dressing and adorning yourself for others and start dressing for you. Choosing items from your closet that make you feel closer to your identity and who you really are, or better yet, who you are becoming.
You get to define your unique and sexy style for yourself. So is it what you wear on the outside that will be the most important to you? Or what you secretly wear underneath?
Discover What Brings You Joy:
Especially as your children grow up and leave home, you might find yourself in a state of flux regarding your preferences. There's no longer anyone else to cater to, so what truly brings you joy? You now have the freedom to choose what you watch or eat. Whether you're embarking on a new solo adventure or welcoming this new phase in life, start by asking yourself simple questions to challenge your perception of reality, such as:
- Do I genuinely prefer having ice in my water?
- Do I truly enjoy watching The Office, or am I simply filling a void?
- Do I find genuine joy in yoga, or was I swept up in the craze?
We often adopt habits incidentally due to societal influence or the desire to fit in. When you start challenging these 'yes/no' moments, you'll begin to listen to your precious internal monologue, which defines who you are and what you enjoy. Embrace this radical honesty to reveal your true self, articulating what you desire in your sexual experiences.
Rekindle the Romance:
Dating doesn't have to involve another person. If you're single and rediscovering your sexual self, treat yourself to a date. Tidy up your space, set a sensual ambiance, get ready, and take yourself out for an enjoyable time. This preparation helps set the stage for sexual experimentation when you return home. The mood is all about your mindset. Spending a day pampering and indulging yourself is a wonderful way to get there effortlessly.
For those in relationships, consider planning dates to reignite your sexual side. Alternate responsibilities for planning date nights each month. One month can focus on celebrating your partner, and the next can highlight the same for you. The same principle applies to sexual pleasure and experimentation at the end of the date. Sharing this responsibility allows each person to feel like the center of sexual attention.
Expand Your Horizons:
As you read this on a sex toy and pleasure product website, it's clear you're seeking ways to enhance your pleasure. There are countless opportunities just beyond your comfort zone that can transform how you perceive sexuality. You may have tried a vibrator, but have you combined it with regular geisha ball usage? Perhaps you adore water-based lube, but have you considered a stimulant gel? If light bondage intrigues you, have you contemplated trying pegging? Always seek what lies just outside your comfort zone.
Adorn Yourself for You:
Dressing in a way that makes you feel authentically good is what matters. It's not solely about showcasing physical attributes. There's a powerful feeling in knowing you're being a little daring in public. While we typically recommend wearing an app-controlled vibrator in public with a partner handling the control, why not enjoy it for yourself? There are discreet vibrators you can tuck into your panties and control from your phone while you go about your day—whether it's a walk, a hike, or a museum tour. It's a fantastic way to pamper yourself and explore what excites you, leading us to the next point.
Consider Your Environment:
Your sexuality can fluctuate based on the context and identity you're embodying. In a childcare environment, your maternal identity might take center stage, while a library may evoke your academic persona. But when you find yourself in a smoky bar with lively jazz, or a bustling coffee shop, how does that make you feel? Experiment with different environments and lean into what resonates with you. Those places where you feel empowered and centered may hold the key to rediscovering your sexual self.
While there are many recommended products for those over 50 experiencing perimenopause or similar stages, one vital aspect often overlooked is the evolution of our personal sexuality as we age. Choose to make this phase empowering. Remember, it doesn't have to be a milestone ending in zero for a new decade to begin. Choose any day, any age, to rediscover your sexuality anew. Start now, regardless of your age, and embrace a happier, sexier life.
Get out there, Get in there, and Get off there!
Elaine S. Turner
Clinical Sexologist | Sex, Dating, & Relationship Coach | Pleasure Product Guru